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Friday, January 18, 2013

Love is bigger

I confess: I am one of those people who remembers important dates and recalls exactly what I was doing on those dates.

Like...

April 30-the day I bought my first house on my own

December 12—the date I first met my husband.

Or

October 8- the day I found out I was pregnant

I confess: January 18 is one of those dates for me.

I confess: Despite how my eerie recall of this date might look, I am really okay.

I confess: The past year has been a time of healing and looking forward.

I confess: At various points throughout the year, I’ve found myself sad and wistful while simultaneously calm and satisfied.

I confess: Over the past year, I’ve figured out some things that were so unclear in the face of loss.

I confess: I’ve figured out I can do hard things even if that just means putting one foot in front of the other.

I confess: Physically, I know I don’t want to go through another pregnancy. I know I am done.

I confess: That doesn’t mean we are done growing our family.

I confess: Marty and I have been seriously exploring the possibility of adoption.

I confess: We don’t know how this process is going to play out. Just like the decision to try to have a baby, the decision to adopt is fraught with questions, uncertainties, and a wee bit of insecurity. It is a leap of faith.

I confess: What we do know—that our hearts are being called to grow our family though adoption—is, however, stronger than those doubts.

I confess: I don’t have a lot of details to share beyond what I already have. We are researching, attending seminars, talking to parents who have been through the process already. Most importantly, we are still prayerfully considering options and remaining faithful that the path and the timing will be made clear.

I confess: we’ve hesitated to share our plans because there’s always the chance it won’t work out. Oh, wait. Isn’t that the way it is with anything in life? I learned last January that telling or not telling doesn’t change outcomes…

I confess: I am sure people will still say (unintentional) hurtful things, like, “Your family is perfect already.” Or “How in the world will you manage with a third?” or “Do you have any idea of how much money it costs to adopt/raise a child?”

I confess: I don’t care anymore. It’s another thing that has changed for me this past year. As I was told last January, “God’s in control.”

I confess: Love is bigger than my pride, my bank account, our diaper stash, sleeping in, my obsessive need for a clean house…

and, finally,

I confess: on this January 18, I know I still have a whole lot of love to give.

One hundred years from now,
It won't matter what car I drove,
What kind of house I lived in,
How much I had in my bank account,
Nor what my clothes looked like,
But, the world may be a little better
Because I was important in the life of a child.
- Unknown

14 comments:

Jill Jankoski said...

Awesome!

Jill Jankoski said...

Awesome!

Jen Forbes said...

I confess I love your confession posts they're some of my favorite posts. I recall that I joined your blog who know when after reading one!

Beth said...

Wow! Good for you guys :-)

Keep us updated on how things are going. I'll pray for your family!

Jenni said...

how wonderful...you know, I have 4 and I still say that I still have a lot more love to give and would like to explore adoption or foster care someday...I think that's a great and huge blessing from God to even have that desire!

Cocalores said...

Great post! And I whole-heartedly support your thoughts on the topic. Only you can decide how or if you want your family to grow. It seems that you put a lot of effort and consideration into this decision, so I am sure you are going to make the right choice for your family. I wish you all the best for it! =)

Caroline said...

Beautiful post! My husband and I have discussed this possibility in the future too. We would love to have another child, I think adoption would be our route too. I fully support you and your decision! =] God bless you and your family.

MandyE (Twin Trials and Triumphs) said...

Love you, my friend!!! :) :) :)

Rory Bore said...

How could anyone think adopting a child who needs a loving home is anything but wonderful and positive? honestly - some people must have permanent skid marks on their noses from it hitting ceiling all the time.
You guys do what is in your heart...and God knows the desires of your heart and will open the doors! that I know for sure! <3

Colleen said...

so excited for you!!! I hope you will share the process or at least what you can.

Shannon said...

Great post, love your honesty! It always bothers me when people say your family is "perfect" because you have a boy and a girl. I think every family is special and perfect in its own way but having a boy and a girl does not get rid of the desire in your heart to have another child!

Tasha said...

WOnderful post! ONLY you and Marty know what is best for you and your family. Anyone else's thoughts really do not matter. I confess as much as I would LOVE another child, physically AND mentally I could not go through what we had to with the boys. I relate to you in that manner. I will pray things all go well....whatever you decide or happens. Because truly like you said, God IS in control!

Tami said...

I agree. You need to do what is best for you family. I admire you for wanting to extend your family through adoption. You are amazing!

Kerry said...

I would love to adopt a child!! I think it is awesome that you guys are wanting to do so, giving a child a better life filled with love is the most giving thing you could do. I wish the process wasn't so hard in Australia :( I wish you guys well on your journey and anyone would be lucky to join your beautiful family xo

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