Friday, August 24, 2012

Go ahead. Unbaby Me. I dare you.

Just when I think we might be reaching the end of the apps-mosphere, I hear of another app that makes me wonder what kind of brave new world we are approaching. Case in point?


"A browser plugin that deletes babies from your newsfeed permanently––by replacing them with awesome stuff."

According to the developers, this app will scan posts in your Facebook newsfeed and block annoying baby pictures/posts based on pre-set tag words like
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In the place of odious chubby baby cheeks and toes, you can choose an "awesome" image from an Instagram feed, like cats or bacon, to take its place.
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I confess: I’ve wanted to write about this topic since a friend of mine (we're still friends, right??) shared it on Facebook a couple of weeks ago, but I’ve been too busy posting pictures of my kids on Facebook.

I confess: I hope my readers don’t think I’ve taken the us- versus- them bait or that I want to feed the parent/non-parent wars. Seriously, I am too busy refereeing fights between two year old twins over who is going to drive the hula hoop “boat” (and posting their pictures of said fights on Facebook).

I confess: I feel like I need to qualify this entire post with the following statement: I totally support your choice to download an app to block cute baby pics. I would hate to lose a Facebook friend over such a trivial issue like my kids.

I confess: not only do I support your choice, I won’t even be offended. I might be old and boring, but I still have a sense of humor.

I confess: I can also understand that you may not have the same undying devotion to my children as I do. After all, you didn’t gain 60 pounds, carry them for 38 weeks, 2 days, and have the stretch marks to prove it. Want to see pictures? (Just kidding… Even I have limits to what I will share online).

I confess: while I totally support your choice, I don’t know why a pic of this
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would be preferable to this.

Or this
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To this.

I confess: if you think my kiddos are annoying on Facebook, you’re probably going to be the same person who thinks kids are annoying in a restaurant, on a plane,or in Target when they want to go back to the toy aisle to see Elmo ONE. MORE. TIME.

I confess: if you are that person, your annoyance really doesn’t affect my choices or the fact that money spends the same as yours. I like to eat out. I will eventually need to fly with kids since my broomstick doesn’t work, and I love Target way too much to avoid it for the next 16 years.

I confess: if you choose to block Emily and Drew, please know they really won’t care or know. They don’t use Facebook, and chances are, by the time I let them anywhere near a computer, either Facebook will have imploded or will have evolved to a higher life form.

I confess: I am not swayed from posting pictures of my kids by those who warn my kids might one day be embarrassed by what I post. Toughen up, I say. I am sure I will do much more embarrassing things to them as they become older and wiser than me.

I confess: if I had been on Facebook during the throes of infertility, I might have been tempted to download it. To those UnBaby.Me users, I understand. You totally get a pass.

I confess: I understand the issue for many is the sheer number of baby-related posts, which begs the question: how much is too much? Really, I tend to binge or purge. Will you give me a heads-up if I am approaching the maximum number of baby uploads for the day?

I confess: I am sorry if pictures of my babies make you super-cool people realize that aging is inevitable, that some people actually like being uncool, and that procreation is necessary for the continuation of our species and likewise the perpetuation of the sub-species known as the ultra-hip.

I confess: I seriously don’t know what could be more awesome, cool, and hip than this:

I confess: likewise, you should understand if I choose to block pictures of your pets, your alcoholic beverages, your latest gourmet meal at the trendy place that doesn’t even have high chairs, your political opinions that are contrary to mine, your curse-word filled pictures with accompanying half-naked tattooed individuals, your artsy self-portrait taken in the mirror before you head to the club, your latest trip to a remote village... But I won’t because…

(1) I confess: I really don’t have a strong feeling one way or the other about this app (or Facebook, for that matter). It’s just social media after all. There are so many more pressing world issues to address like when is Snooki’s baby due—oh, wait. I just used the “baby” word again. (By the way, I would understand if you defriended me based solely on the basis that I just referenced Jersey Shore).

(2) I confess: I think people who use UnBaby. Me are missing the point of Facebook. After all, Facebook is supposed to be the one place is the world where we think people actually care about the minutia of our daily lives.

(3) I confess: at the risk of sounding deeply political or making a sweeping generalization, I will say that blocking what we don’t like kind of flies in the face of tolerance.

(4) I confess: I totally support your right to be whatever you want to be on Facebook—even it looks nothing like the you IRL.

And finally….

I confess: I must end this post so I can go update my Facebook status and share what Drew just said to Emily. So, if you don’t like my babies then you might want to unfriend me or at a minimum, unsubscribe from my News Feed. Both options are way simpler than downloading an app.


JDaniel4's Mom said...

I love getting to see baby pictures!

MandyE (Twin Trials and Triumphs) said...

Oh, this is just multiple shades of awesome. Well done, Mama!

I say, bring on the baby pictures...and stop it with the pictures of gourmet meals with places that don't even have high chairs. Bwahahaha!!!

Johanna Baker said...

How sad that people want to block cute babies! That is half of why I'm even on Facebook!

I wonder if they have an app so that I can find more baby pictures... especially super fat babies. I love fat babies. :)

RoryBore said...

you are 50 Shades of Fantastic! love this.

Galit Breen said...

Ohmygoodness, how I *love* this post!

I confess: I've thought so very many of these same things and am so backing you up from way over here!

And yes, I would absolutely love to see that photo and read that status about Emily and Drew! :)

Olusola said...

lol! love the last picture with y'all taking a nap. I think an app may be a winning business proposition

Amber D said...

This totally cracked me up.
Is there an ap to block pictures of cats, dogs and bacon? I HATE it when they clog up my feed.

Tami said...

If you choose your friends on FB, why would FB even consider changing the picture? Isn't the purpose of FB to stay in touch with your friends?

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

I'll admit that there are some people who post an excessive amount of them per day, but those are the same people who post an excessive amount of everything per day.

But the app just makes me shrug and roll my eyes, lol.

Leigh Powell Hines (Hines-Sight Blog) said...

This is so interesting, and strange. I, of course, am a parent. I don't mind children photos. I may mind one every hour on the hour like Liz said, but this is weird. Taking bloggers out of the equation, Facebook friends are usually personal friends with acquaintances thrown in there. If people didn't want to see your children then I think that is just totally odd.

Is this aimed at 25 to 30 crowd who perhaps are not married yet or are newly married, and some of their friends have gotten in on the bandwagon of children? This is the same crowd that just doesn't understand that life changes after becoming a parent...there are bedtimes, etc..

By the way, my neighbor has a hairless cat. She posted a photo of it the other day, and I wanted to replace it with a child. It's so ugly, and this is coming from someone who likes cats.

KERRY said...

LOVE LOVE LOVE this post Melissa and you my friend have just earned your spot in my September Favourites!!! I absolutely agree with everything you said, you said it all perfectly!!! Perfect just like your adorable babies whom I could never get enough of :)

Sarah Kate said...

I clicked over here from Kerry's blog, who kept her word and DID post this as her September favorite! ;o)

I don't even have a Facebook account because I'm one of those people that finds nearly every single one of the updates annoying, not just the baby-related ones. And replacing all the updates with bacon would only make me fat. Deleting the account is much safer. :o)

But even though I'm anti-status updates and anti-facebook, I still really enjoyed this post!! You are a FUNNY lady! I busted out laughing at your 'artsy self-portrait in the mirror before heading to the club comment'. That's one thing I do miss about FB - there were always posts like that to remind me again why I'm so glad I'm now an old lady whose idea of a crazy Friday night means going to bed at midnight after having ice cream.

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