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Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Change of Plans

So I guess I upset my parents with my latest musings.

Calm down, Ray and Janice. I am not taking the babies and moving three hours away.

My post wasn’t about definitive plans.

It was about being okay with different plans, with changing plans, with uncertain plans.

It was about growing up and evolving.

It was about realizing that part of growing up is facing what you have sought to avoid and working through it.

For me, I have long struggled with the idea of change. Not just change, but change I can’t anticipate or plan for.

For a long time, I operated under the mistaken assumption that life should operate according to my plans.

I remember when I suffered my first real disappointment in life. I found myself grieving not just for what I pysically lost but also the loss of a dream, for my beautiful plan that was suddenly gone.

I wish I could say I learned everything I needed to know about change from that disappointment, but I didn’t. I still kept trying to keep it all within the confines of my plan. So much of my stress and anxiety came from the worry about deviations from the plan.

And, this is the challenge that life keeps presenting me. I like to think it’s God asking me to let go and trust Him, to let Him take care of the plans. It is a lesson in faith.

So my certain uncertainty wasn’t about the possibility of a move or job change as much as it was about being open to seeing a different plan than the one I envisioned.

I felt moved that day to look at moving away, changing jobs, and taking a leap of faith as real possibilities.

That day I opened up to the possibility that there is another plan for me—if only I let go of the fear and control.

Certain uncertainty is about being open and being willing to see the world with new eyes.

I read somewhere once that people resist change—positive or negative—because every change represents a loss.

I don’t want to be so scared of loss that I miss the adventure.

I want to see the opportunity and not the obstacles.

Maybe that means a move, a new job, or a renewed appreciation for my husband’s stubbornness.

Maybe it means a plan that I can’t even envision.

I am ready to unwrap the surprises.

So, Mama and Daddy, if you are reading, instead of being mad, be proud.

At almost 36, I am finally learning a lesson I hope Emily and Drew learn more quickly than I did.


8 comments:

Tasha said...

Atta girl!!

Brad Jenkins said...

Not sure if this completely applies, but I like it, so I'll share it. Don't know who to attribute it to...oh well. "You will not make a change until the pain of staying where you are becomes greater than the pain of change."

Good luck on everything, and next time be sure to tell your parents before they read it in the blog. :-)

Lady Goo Goo Gaga said...

Good luck with your adventures!!!

Kristen said...

Hey girl. I AM proud of you too. Sometimes you have to JUMP. Just jump. I tend to dream, research, plan, JUMP. In that specific order. :) Kristen
So we are a "go" with NY? Right? Total Fun. Go to BlogHer.com and check it out. August.
Kristen

Mandi said...

Great post, I so needed to read that, especially after the day I had! Great insight, I am suddenly looking forward to change. Thanks for your blog!

Olusola said...

You go girl! I'm definitely learning to embrace and enjoy the "adventures" of my life

Cathy said...

Good for you. Sometimes the worst thing can be to wonder what might have been.

MandyE (Twin Trials and Triumphs) said...

I completely understand...it's about allowing yourself to think in a different way. And - if your folks happen to read this comment (!!!) - it's not necessarily about *doing* things differently, although it might be. It's recognizing you have choices, and being brave enough to consider each of them.

At least that's how I think about it. :)

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