Sunday, March 6, 2011

How did you decide? (QOTW)

This week’s Multiples and More Question of the Week (QOTW) is “What is your question of the week?” With feelings of trepidation and yearnings of anonymity, I dare to post and ask, “How did you decide that your family was complete?”

I feel like I have to qualify this whole post and question by saying I am truly blessed by the gift of being a mother to Emily and Drew. My journey to motherhood was not an easy one, and I often said if I could ever have just one baby, I wouldn’t be greedy but forever grateful for the opportunity.

Then, blessed beyond all measure, we had twins. A boy and a girl.

One of the most frequent comments we hear is, “A boy and a girl. One of each. How perfect. You’re done.”

And maybe we are. My husband says maybe if we were younger. I say maybe if we didn’t have to pursue any more fertility treatments.

But some days I wonder.

I wonder if the doctor was right when he said there might have been a third, a vanishing triplet. Do I secretly feel like a baby is missing because two was supposed to have been three?

I wonder what it would be like to have another baby now that we have twins. Would Emily and Drew like a brother or sister? Could I handle it?

I wonder what if would be like to carry just one child. What would it be like to not be "high risk," or what would it be like to go into labor as opposed to checking in for a scheduled c-section?

I wonder what it would be like not to be a new mom who questions ever little decision. Would I be more confident, more at ease?

I wonder if I will look back in five years and wish we had just one more. Or will I look back in five years and say that two was just right?


Dolli-Mama said...

I understand completely. I have 3 children. I love them all, and yes, we are done having children...

But sometimes I secretly wish that we weren't.

Visiting from Multiples and More, and a new follower!

Taryn said...

I wanted another for years. The truth of the matter is that I was too afraid to have multiples again. Then, when I turned 40 I decided that I really didn't want to start all over again. My children are now 12 and I can see the light that might be my husband and I having a life together again as the kids get older.

Safire said...

This is a tough one for me! I've done both sides, with a singleton and then a high risk twin pregnancy. Honestly, if we had money for more fertility treatments, we'd be pursuing more kids. But we don't. And we're not.

And it just breaks my heart.

I think it's hard to say no to more babies. They are so cute and wonderful and cuddly! I feel like I could have 12 and still want more.

Only you can decide when you're family is complete. And it's not an easy decision.

Holly Ann said...

We never expected twins. And after fertility problems, we really never ever expected to get pregnant on our own with baby #3. But I am truly glad that we did. Our family is definitely "just right" now and I never question that. Whereas before I got pregnant unexpectedly with #3, I always wondered if we should have another someday.
Congratulations on your beautiful family. Whatever the future brings, I hope it makes you feel "just right." :)

Mary said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog! How sweet of you to leave a comment.

I just have to give my 2 cents on this question: my twins were my first and then I had a beautiful surprise 23 months later. I call her my little gift and it has been such a special journey having one baby after having two. I love twins and would do it again, but one baby is sooo different than two. First of all, it was so much easier and made me feel so much better at struggling with twins while my friends with one baby were breezing through life. Now I KNOW they had it easier! Ha ha!

Big decision, good luck!

Johanna said...

Perhaps if the thought of another pregnancy didn't make me want to curl up in the fetal position and rock myself in a closet, I'd consider having another. I had a miserable pregnancy (and it wasn't even that bad comparitively). As my twins are starting to turn into 'people' instead of babies, I sometimes yearn for another baby. But then I think "Where would I put one?" ... no room in our car, house, or bank account. I, too, have had the same thoughts about a singleton pregnancy, but what if I had ANOTHER set of twins? Not sure I could handle that. :) Your little girls are precious, and whether you add one or not, your family will always seem perfect to you!

Jenner said...

I have a single 2 year old, and I'm not so sure I'm done. Even though her birth was horrific and I swore I'd never want more than one, I see her growing more and more everyday and know I am going to miss her at these ages. Plus, I loved growing up with siblings and don't want to deny her that. Hubby says no way, no more, but I think that *maybe* right now. I actually wished that I would have twins, so that I could have two at once and be done!

JP's MOM said...

HI! Stopping by from Multiples and More.

After having a boy and a girl singletons, God surprised us with twin boys. Although they were not a part of 'our plan', I am so thankful that God's Plan is always perfect. We could not imagine life without our four kids. Which still seems crazy to say!

Two Kayaks said...

Oh, I could have written this post myself. It took us nearly 10 years to have the twins and the treatments nearly killed us (spiritually). I would love nothing more than to have another (a singleton) to do it all over again, to know what it's like to parent a newborn armed with experience and to offer a sibling to the twins. My husband says we're too long in the tooth to start all over (he's 40 and I'm 37). I'm deliriously happy with our little family, but know that I would welcome more. It's so tough when infertility is involved.

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