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Wednesday, August 25, 2010

101 Things I Worried About...




"Worrying doesn't empty tomorrow of its troubles; it empties
today of its strength."


For the longest time, this quote has been my email signature. If it is true, then I know why I have stayed exhausted since last October. I worried away my pregnancy, and now that Emily and Drew are here, I have found new anxieties. Small, big, serious, frivolous, common, bizarre, far-fetched, and plausible, my worries come in all sorts of packages.

Yes, I know I must get a handle on worry because motherhood is full of uncertainty and situations I can't control....blah, blah, blah. Just because I know you're right doesn't mean it makes it any easier to quit.

No, it wasn't hard to come up with 101 worries. Even Marty doubted I could list 101 different ones, but honestly, it was a pretty quick task.

Yes, I know this list will make me look neurotic, but I am fairly certain others will see some of their own worries that they've been too afraid to voice. Worriers unite!

Yes, creating this list was therapeutic, and at the very least, it kept my mind from moving on to worry 102...at least for a little while.


While pregnant

#1 miscarriage/ seeing the heartbeats/vanishing twins
#2 differences in baby sizes on those early ultrasounds
#3 differences in heart rates
#4 gaining too much weight while pregnant
#5 not having any morning sickness
#6 misshapen uterus
#7 bleeding from low-lying placenta
#8 overdoing it while on bed rest
#9 pre-eclampsia after one high blood pressure reading
#10 Baby B's head measurements ("Maybe he just has a big head like his dad?")
#11 toxoplasmosis from cats
#12 birth defects
#13 cord becoming entangled
#14 too little movement
#15 too much movement
#16 effect of anterior placentas
#17 Baby A always having hiccups
#18 safety of any medicine I was given during pregnancy
#19 gestational diabetes after I failed 1 hour test
#20 gall bladder
#21 flying while pregnant
#22 danger of smoke in casinos while in Vegas
#23 danger of too much laptop use
#24 drinking too much or too little water
#25 that deli meat turkey sandwich I had at Panera
#26 swollen feet, ankles, hands
#27 going into labor too soon
#28 ultrasound tech possibly being wrong about genders

As delivery day approached

#29 Baby B being breech
#30 c-section pain
#31 the spinal
#32 where babies would sleep when they came home
#33 whether I would be able to breastfeed
#34 if my babies would be healthy
#35 if my babies would be cute

At the hospital

#36 going back for my spinal all by myself
#37 the health of my babies
#38 losing my uterus if they couldn't stop my hemorrhage
#39 safety of the two pints of blood I received
#40 germs from hospital visitors
#41 sending the babies to the nursery for a few hours at night
#42 the nursery mixing up my babies
#43 not having any milk for breastfeeding
#44 Drew after his circumcision
#45 Emily losing weight due to her jaundice
#46 the safety of the Hep B vaccine
#47 the lady taking them away for their hearing test

Now that they are here

#48 giving up on breastfeeding too soon
#49 bonding
#50 safety of the water I used to mix their formula
#51 BPA in formula cans
#52 germs in public places
#53 swaddling them too tight
#54 cutting their fingernails
#55 driving them alone for the first time
#56 other people holding my babies
#57 color of poop
#58 number of poops
#59 Drew losing his hair
#60 safety of their bassinets
#61 SIDS
#62 reflux
#63 seizures
#64 Emily gaining too much weight
#65 Drew gaining too little weight
#66 their IQ
#67 their future social skills
#68 Drew's neck that leaned to the right
#69 cat hair on the babies' stuff ("Are my babies getting a hair ball?")
#70 painful gas...Drew, not me.
#71 my mental health
#72 potential neurological problems
#73 dying before seeing my babies grow up
#74 gas fumes in the car
#75 Drew not doing the same things at the same time Emily did
#76 spending too much time with one baby and not enough with the other
#77 room being too hot, too cold, too windy, too dark, too light
#78 taking their temperature "there"
#79 going to the pediatrician too much and being that mom
#80 flat heads
#81 Drew's hoarse cry
#82 not enough tummy time
#83 too much swing time ("We're going to swing them stupid.")
#84 safety of vaccines...is it bad I decided not to stagger??
#85 whooping cough...it's making a comeback, you know!
#86 napping too much
#87 napping too little
#88 rashes...just heat? allergic to detergent? a reaction to the formula?
#89 holding too much or too little
#90 babies forgetting me when I go back to work
#91 time passing too quickly
#92 thumb sucking
#93 temperature of bath water
#94 thinking about if I will ever feel like my old self again
#95 endocrine disruptors...yes, I spent a day reading about it.
#96 falling down the stairs while carrying a baby
#97 possibility of long-term subconscious damage to babies from hearing Marty and I yell at each other
#98 neighborhood schools? private school?
#99 the national debt my children will inherit
#100 our financial future...two cars, two college funds
#101 worrying too much

1 comment:

jpattencoble said...

Well said! You are right- you had the guts to voice them while others of us have at one point or another have thought about many of the same things... you have inspired me to come up with the 101 list for having a teenage boy! (wait- I don't think I really want to see that list)

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